I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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