I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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