every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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