jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
