$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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