So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
