repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
