Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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