it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
