Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
