I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
