the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
