and you said cock pushups were impossible
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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