i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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