her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
