That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
