I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
