She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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