After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
