Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
