He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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