I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
