Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
