i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
