Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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