Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
