maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Can I color on your dick again?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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