just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
