we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
