How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
