I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
