Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
