Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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