I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
