dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
