i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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