look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
