I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
