My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
