I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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