i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
