well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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