dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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