oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
