Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
