doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
