don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
