Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
