I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
