how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Everclear isn't food dammit
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
