She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
