So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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